something I should have said long back :)

Dear best bud,

                Thought that as long as this philosophical mood lasts, I might as well make full use of it (I can already feel it ebbing :) as I think about the project and seminar that is due :( )

                I just want to say,”thank you” of course. I was just thinking about all the things that have happened in my life. U were always a part of it. At least, from the last four years. The best part is, the maximum no. of things and quite the important ones I feel, every one of those memories had you in the background somewhere :) It’s funny how we grew close over the past two years and now that we are leaving college, half of me wants to stay back and half of me desperately wants to leave for reasons only you and I know.

                As I look back on my life, I realize that I have always made errors in judgment about so many people, So basically, all the friends I have made were not all the right ones. I’m just lucky that even in these four years, among the rotten ones, fate intervened and I met you.

                Here’s what I like best about you. Most importantly, you respect me. For who I am. You don’t try to change me. You let me make my own decisions. You advise me at first, which most of the time I pooh-pooh and which most of the time turns out right. You are always there to pick up the pieces when I don’t listen to you. We may not call each other every day to recount the day’s events as apparently all other friends do and if I get angry and complain to my mom, she asks me the most obvious thing,” It does not matter if he is busy and u’ll don’t get to talk. The question is will he be there when you need him most?”

                And of course, the answer is yes. Even when I was not talking to you or at least there was some strain in our friendship, when something went wrong, I would always call you because I knew you would drop everything to come and stand by me. Maybe, it was because I was taking the right decision or maybe I just wanted to talk, but you were always there. After all the crap that happened last semester, you waited patiently for me to come to my senses. Patience has always been your virtue. I am just absolutely thrilled that I didn’t lose you because of my foolishness. Maybe you waited all that time because you knew I was being a- your favorite word for me- dumbass :P I’m sorry I got carried away with other people’s opinions when only I knew you best. From the bottom of my heart, I apologise for all the hurt I caused.

I love the fact that you are down-to-earth, righteous, humble, understanding and respectful towards all elders. I love the way you handle kids. I’m proud of the enterprising things you do. I like the fact that you are intelligent lol. Even though I don’t praise you, at all, lol, I like your sense of style. I also find it endearing how you care about other people’s opinions, not in a bad way because you have your own individuality. You always want to please everyone you care about. Don’t go overboard there G. Some people might take advantage of that. I love how you look out for ever person that needs looking after. You’re not that selfish also (come on, everyone is at one point of time) and you always help those in need.

So, anytime you feel low, just read this :) ‘cos you know I am definitely one of those people who think you are a good person.

I am glad I can always count on mom, you and Arjun to get me out of any mess.

And thanks for bringing Vish, Sapna and Sonal into my life lol, even if it’s for a short period, I hope we all stay in touch through the wondrous years to come.

I look forward to definitely having you and Arjun remain a part of my life.

That’s enough ego-stroking for a day. Now get back to work! :)

One last thing- I wouldn’t trade you in for ANYTHING in the whole wide world. :)

Love,

G. angel

(Hope I am worthy of this title once more :P )

My grandmother was admitted into the hospital last night. Nothing serious. But I am still praying that nothing goes wrong. Of course, whenever something like this goes wrong in my life, my mind goes into overdrive and I start painting all the horrific things that could happen. Yes, I admit I was scared for no reason at all. And then, I think about all the people I could lose in my life and then I wonder who these people are. So many, I counted. It made me realize that I need to appreciate them in every way possible. Yea, I know how clichéd it sounds. The truth is I want to say thank you to so many people. Maybe just ring them up or call on them just to say, “I’m glad you are in my life.” Of course, the first people you are and you should be thankful to and also the ones you take most granted for, are the ones who gave you life. You didn’t ask to be born, yes, but now that you are, by golly, be thankful for the way you are living your life right now, ‘cos your parents well and truly deserve your appreciation. Well, after family, came your teachers and then your friends. So many of these friends you don’t talk to. So many you have lost touch with, but right now I can think of a few who are a part of my life right now that make my everyday seem a little more special :) Thanks a ton u five :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME ON FEB 6 - 22nd BIRTHDAY! :O

So yeah, my birthday rocked. Although two stupid dear people were not in station. We have a new addition to the ‘finish that wish-list’ group. Yep, Vishakha helped us in completing one of the tasks on that list. We went LASER TAGGING! It was AWESOME. Of course I ran into a wall as soon as the voice yelled GO! and of course I was preeetty good and shot Gautam like a million times :P Can’t wait to go again. Oh and the chocolate avalanche in Boca Grande is to die for :) Great day and great friends it was spent with :)

New Year Resolutions

Well… my main resolution this year is to go out and have a really good time and forget all the unpleasantness of the year gone by. Sapna, Sonal and I drew up a list of all the things we were going to try out this year and here they are. Of course, we are going to make sure that Gautam and Arjun also join us… So here’s to an exhilarating new year ahead!

First, I am going to stop blogging only when I am upset lol… So this space is going to be full of only joyous stuff!

2.                   Participate in a flash mob! And the earliest one seems to be Prakash Raj’s 3000-strong   flashmob on Valentine’s Day for a song in his upcoming film! Time to start practicing!

3.                   Play laser tag! Seems to be turning into an unfulfilled lifelong ambition…

4.                   Play paintball! Wuhoo!

5.                   Go wall climbing…

6.                   Go to RASTA! The only place for the best “utthapam” and “masala dosa” huh?

7.                   Allow the ever-generous Gautam to treat us at touché!

8.                   Go trekking! (yea right.)

9.                   DTM :P and this time I won’t chicken out… maybe…

10.               Go boating in Madivala Lake or PESSE Lake! (Yup, we found the other lakes not so                 prestigious as this one)

11.               Watch Sapna give us an awesome Graduation PAARTAAY!!!!!

12.               Go trick or treating on Halloween! (I miss those days…)

13.               Bunk college and go to Manipal County for a day!

14.               Play dandia at Palace Grounds on Dussehra! (first, get perm from the rents :P)

15.               Join a theatre group!

16.               Go ice skatin! (Apparently there’s a rink at Mantri mall… hmmm…)

There were more… but they were all the silly stuff :P besides we didn’t need the guys for that lol lol 

Frustration

LOVE… why does it hurt? Why does it ache? Maybe because we love too hard and too deep that sometimes we forget to keep a little for ourselves…

Does it not hurt when the one you love does not see the fact that you will do anything for them?

Does it not infuriate you that whatever you do just does not seem enough?

And here comes the best part… when they know that they can trust you, and know that you can never let them down intentionally or foolishly because they mean the world to you, somehow, when anything goes wrong they blame you for it.

Why can’t they see how much you love them? That you would never do anything to hurt them?

I knew this couple where the lady would be frustrated with the fact that the man would not take any initiative to do anything. It would always be her idea to do something and the man would just follow through. At one point the woman felt that maybe her man did not feel like doing anything and that she was forcing him to give into any desire of hers. Anger followed by tears led her to take the decision of not bothering at all to go out anywhere since it looked like the man in question was not enthusiastic enough. The bewildered man could not understand what the whole fuss was about…

The fact is men are quite dumb :) Simple. It’s not like I am coming up with some new revelation. The fact is men are quite intelligent but when it comes to deciphering a woman’s feelings they become quite clueless. And really… we keep on telling them how to go about it… it’s not like we do not explain the emotions we show… they just don’t get the hang of it and so we women assume that they just don’t want to…

And then more fights and more tears and the woman has to be the understanding, forgiving one (of course!) and peace reigns once more with promises and apologies from the male…

Men. We can’t do with them and we can’t do without them.

And yet there are men who are sensible and sensitive. My dad is one and I respect him dearly. Somehow he always knows the right thing to do. Of course my mom does not give him much to think about… No mind-boggling emotions to decipher there!

Someday I hope to share the same relationship with my partner that exists between my parents…

Speaking of which, how I wish there was some mind-reading tool you could use on a person… Sigh… life would be a lot easier without any pretense.

There would be no need to show how happy you are when inside all you want to do is curl up like a ball and cry. No need to hide what you feel for the sake of others. No masks. No walls.

Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to care too much... for fear that the other person may not care as much, or at all.

MUSINGS

Should you leave everything into Fate’s hands or control your own destiny? A thought that plagues many…

Is it better to fight for what you believe in or give into circumstances?

Courage is what you need to fight against the fates when they conspire against you but this you can do only if you have that desire within you to fight for what you believe in and love…

Otherwise sit back and watch your life spiral out of control…

EGO. That three-letter word that ruins friendships and all kinds of relationships… Why is it, I wonder? Why do we allow ourselves to be caught in a whirlpool of emotions that are so negative and only draw us away from those who we love? If we really loved them would we not put them in front of ourselves? And try and understand the other person’s feelings first instead of obsessing about the fact of who is right and who is wrong.

The article in today’s Sunday times as usual makes a lot of sense and sparks off a lot of thought-provoking comments… It’s beautiful the way relationships are portrayed and built… However I disagree with one fact they say… If it’s lovely to start laughing in the middle of an argument, I don’t see how any point is going to come across… The truth is anything can be worked out only if the other person is willing to listen… change is too much to ask for… but maybe… just maybe you could have given the other person something to think about.

A true friend is one who is patient with you. A true friend waits for you to come out of your crazy mood swings, does not allow him/her to be fazed by your hurtful comments and knows that in the end you do care for him/her. There is no ego between two friends. There is no thinking before who takes the first step… Likewise, it applies to a relationship between two people. There is no running away in times of difficulty and they stick with you through thick and thin. That is why we have families.

I take this opportunity to thank the people in my life for being there for me… No matter what I do, I’m always forgiven…

I also wonder at the relationships that have failed in my life… I am surprised that I have no regrets. No regrets whatsoever because I shared wonderful moments with them and as hard as I try to remember any bad ones, I come up with only good ones. Sometimes things don’t work out when you realize that the value you give to some people is not reciprocated and you come away feeling empty.

However, everything happens for a reason and the saying ‘This too shall pass’ has given me a lot of strength.

It would be nice if time machines existed though…

There is that elusive love...

Sometimes the mythical love-at-first-sight happens and sometimes love takes time to evolve... First comes fondness for each other and then comes the lightning bolt (chuckle!) that makes you realize that he/she is the one... First of all, is there really an age to fall in love? Is there supposedly a 'right' time? Can we handle what happens after the first three heady months of perfection where warnings go unheeded and those who tell you to come back to earth are just ignored? They don't understand... apparently. You know what you are doing…

And the other person seems so delightful… How can anything go wrong? And slowly skeletons leap out of the closet… and the relationship needs to be worked on but there is still commitment… that comfort level you feel you cannot get anywhere else… 

Do we search for someone when we get lonely? Or when we want to use them? Or if we feel we cannot get anyone else whose thoughts and ideas are so alike? Or just to have some fun with?

Maybe there is no such thing as love. At least it’s time to revise its definition.

Why do break-ups happen? Why do divorces occur? The promises made are forgotten… If it is love, are we not supposed to stick through thick and thin? Promises should be made only when they are intended to be kept. Maybe relationships should be encouraged only when both parties are mature enough to handle it…

Its funny how sometimes couples realize in the end that they did not know each other at all in the end… How misunderstandings arise and accusations are hurled… Hurt, betrayal and anger pour out like venom and the good times are forgotten…

There is no such thing as love between two human beings… there is caring, understanding and commitment. Human beings are too selfish to understand what love means… Of course, the only love that can exist is between a mother and her child… that love is unselfish. A mother only gives… without taking. When two people commit to each other, there will always be a conflict between giving and taking. Couples that can have one person giving and the other one taking are rare… and the ones that stick together do have one person giving more…

When a relationship has someone pouring all their energy into making it work, it is not worth it. When the other person is afraid of the obstacles faced, the only way is to exit gracefully mostly for the good of the other person because the expectations have hit rock bottom.

It’s funny how even when the relationship ends you can’t help defending the other person in front of all the ‘I told you so..s’ Is it because we cannot face the fact that we made a mistake? That we made a wrong choice? Mistakes are made to be learnt from.

No one can understand what one goes through after a relationship fails… Let it be a friendship or with a loved one… Sure there will be support… but in the end all the demons have to be dealt with internally…

If only everyone quoted Adele’s lyrics to each other…

Never mind, I'll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you, too. Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said... Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead. Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.

Time will heal all. The bitterness will fade away.

But really, I ask, what does love mean to you? Just out of curiosity…